A feminist’s weight loss was surprising and embarrassing 

The staggering champion was supported by two staff members. Standing on the scale, the precarious figure was like a seriously ill patient. He was Conor McGregor, dubbed the ‘UFC legend,’ and had just finished a hell of a weight loss routine. He watched the boring documentary because he had a jiu-jitsu competition about a month ahead.

In particular, losing weight was a serious problem because if you failed to pass the weigh-in, you could not even qualify for the game. He hurriedly bought a scale and weighed himself every morning as a ritual. Compared to usual, he ate significantly less, so the weight was slowly dropping.

But he was missing the point. I need to lose water while preserving my muscles, but when should I lose weight like this, there was no know-how at all. What I learned from McGregor’s documentary is that hellish physical training comes first and dehydration comes last.

Indeed, he was desperate to shake off the moisture. He sweated on the treadmill and went in and out of the sauna. As a last resort, I squeezed every last drop into a zippered machine that looked like Belgian waffles. Then, the persecuted Jesus or well-dried jerky-like body was completed.

The exhausted McGregor referred to his weight loss method as a ‘dangerous thing’, and I gave up on losing weight while preserving my muscles and only taking out water. Instead, he chose the ignorant method of removing all water, fat, and muscle.

Even that wasn’t easy. It was 5-6 years ago that I completely stopped decorating my appearance, including makeup, and gave up my diet as a set. During that time, I completely forgot the feeling of starvation. So, in the early days of losing weight, I couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t eat what I wanted, the moment I wanted to.

In the meantime, I didn’t know that alcohol and food accounted for a significant portion of my pleasure, and I didn’t know that eating was about moderation (I also realized belatedly that I was spending more money on eating than I thought).


After going on a diet for the first time in a while, I felt like I was voluntarily locked in a dull, achromatic prison. I just wanted to go back to the place where I originally lived, a world full of colorful and colorful senses.

As if a ruined rich woman recalled her past, she chewed on chickpeas or cherry tomatoes and ruminated on the pleasures of the past without restraint. In the meantime, the food I ate, though I didn’t intend it, included quite sophisticated and dramatic production. Appetizer, main course, and dessert, endless stimulation and brilliant spurts!

It included a menu that changed as capriciously as my personality, temperatures that went between cold and hot, and variations of sour, spicy, sweet, and salty flavors. In particular, alcohol was a stronger booster than I thought. I was able to eat more and more variety thanks to the alcohol that was always served with dinner. One star for draft beer, one star for highball, one star for wine, wine!

Over the past two weeks, the weight has steadily decreased. It was a natural result because I exercised to die while eating a little to alleviate hunger. It would have been nice if losing weight hadn’t suddenly become a top priority. Work, reading, and even Jiu-Jitsu competitions, which were the reasons she started losing weight, were pushed back.

A few days were enough for me to see the decreasing number with my own eyes and to think that I would like to lose weight forever if I could. I brought those boring and insignificant things back into my life, such as constant crackdowns and checks, unable to pass by the mirror and checking the silhouette.

It was surprising and disconcerting that they could become so important. In fact, it was as easy as flipping a switch. It didn’t matter how much I loved to eat or how intense the pleasure of taste was.

However, if the weight loss made me feel good or happy, that wasn’t the case either. Rather, it seemed that at last the payment had been made to purify the body and to restore a strange stability to the mind. I may have unconsciously suffered during the past years when I ignored other people’s eyes and only pursued pleasure.

sense of shame

According to psychiatrist Louise Kaplan, women are always haunted by a vague, subconscious feeling that whispers that incubating sensations or pursuing cravings is something they are not allowed to do, and that there is a high price to pay for pursuing and enjoying them안전놀이터. He referred to this phenomenon as the “withholding tax plan.”

Is there any other bill that is as clear and cruel as the number indicated to the second decimal place? When I first got on the scale to start losing weight, to be honest, it was a shock. I checked my weight with my own eyes, which I didn’t know about because I hadn’t measured it for several years.

I am a feminist and I decided not to pursue a body shape that looks good in the eyes of others, as long as I have a healthy body. Still, when I tried to lose weight again after a few years, the idea that I had to try to placate something (whether it was the eyes of others, God, or my mother) that was angry at me for completely abandoning self-care came to my mind.

In the process, my ego was again trapped in my body. It was to expand my ego that I wrote as many articles as possible, regardless of so many malicious comments and attacks. When a woman reveals her intellectual greed, she stands alone in the intensive fire of personal attacks that persistently bite her appearance.

Among malicious comments attacking women online, the reason why appearance belittlement dominates is because it is the most effective and naive ploy to confine the female ego to a narrow body.

In fact, my ego, which had been under attack for a long time and suffered internally and externally, became at ease to some extent while being confined in the prison of the body. Beauty has been able to thoroughly enslave women of almost all ages and cultures in this way, and unfortunately its grip is growing stronger and stronger.

Of course, it is also true that the feeling of lightening the body (because I lost more than 6 kg), the injury of physical strength, and the phenomenon of getting up in the morning and clearing the mind were also followed. ‘Health’ is what I put together, and as a feminist obsessed with losing weight, I put it up like a shield whenever I felt a sense of self-doubt.

“I think I’ve definitely gotten healthier. They tell me to eat more simply as I get older.”
The familiar and boring excuses and deceit were the same.

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